NEWS  :  Season 2010/11

Hounds Social Diary ™

Retainers FC 1 - 10 Hounds FC by Dunc, 30th Oct 2010

Hounds came out on top on Retainers Day, with both teams winning – the Reserves scoring the lions share of the goals. Jeeves has chipped in with the fastest match report in the history of the Hounds – it was compiled and sent to me on Saturday evening – outstanding!

Hounds 1 – 0 Retainers

We were essentially rubbish in the first half of this game – if Retainers could actually shoot on target, they would probably have troubled the scoresheet. As it was, the Hounds turned it around in the second half, Si C coming off the bench to score a goal that saw him carry the ball pretty much from his own half, to then calmly beat the keeper. Cheqs takes MOTM honours again!

Retainers Reserves 1 – 9 Hounds Reserves

Over to Jeeves for the match report:

Following my Friday visit to Anfield (courtesy of Mrs Jeeves), I couldn’t wait to take to the pitch on the Saturday. Mrs Jeeves had kindly bought us tickets for the ‘Ultimate Anfield Experience’, where we had a tour of the stadium and then lunch with a ‘Liverpool Legend’. Now to be fair, having looked at the website, I was expecting the worst – Jim Beglin, Gary Gillespie, Djimi Traore (he wasn’t on there but for dramatic effect you get my drift)… Fortunately we got the most decorated player in Liverpool history… Phil Neal. I know Young McMahon can’t wait to see the pictures. Anyway, the point of this is that I had to rush back down on Saturday morning and I was hoping it was not going to be for a pasting – unfortunately for Retainers, it was.

It seemed like the 8th different defence the reserves had put out this season; in fact I’m not sure the same defence has played 2 games in a row – desk_JOB, please can you check the stats. Anyway, I continued at full back with n_MAN, Dunc and Jonty who made his debut at left back. Well when I say left back, I mean left wing. He obviously subscribes to the Roberto Carlos school of full bakery, but to be fair it gave us an extra dimension when going forward. Bucky started on the right with Hallo on the left, and despite feasting on the largest (yet most reasonably priced) piece of flapjack in the world, he managed to bag 2 goals.

To be honest I can’t really recall who scored when, but we were 6-0 up at half-time after cutting through the Retainer’s defence with ridiculous ease time and again. Mark, Toni (2), Hallo, Gerro and Bucky were the first half scorers and even though Retainers changed their keeper at 5-0, it made no difference. If we thought the second half would be as easy, we were wrong. Retainers came out fighting and could have had a penalty when n_MAN blocked their striker in the box, fortunately desk_JOB was refereeing and turned it down. I think it’s only right to thank desk_JOB for doing the refereeing duties, in fact it was probably his best performance of the season.

Retainers did manage to get a goal back, but not before one of their substitutes had engaged me in some ‘banter’. Now this guy, who coincidentally was called Tyron, was perhaps the ugliest player on the Downs. To give you an idea, when Iain Dowie was doing his match report on Soccer Saturday, I realised Tyron (not Ray) would need to go through multiple facelifts to attain Dowie’s ‘good looks’. Anyway, whether it was the fact they were 6-0 down or due to built up resentment from his Phantom of the Opera looks, he decided to attempt to wind me up. Now Tyron (not Ray) definitely had some element of special needs about him and so his starter for ten was the old classic, “oi mate, your laces are undone”. Despite not falling for the cunning trick and just smiling, Tyron (not Ray) thought he had won and started shouting “one nil, one nil”. Not being able to walk away, I then retorted that he must be really shit as he couldn’t even get into a team that was getting beaten 6-0. This then wound him up even further and he came out with the insult, “gay club”. I actually thought this was pretty funny and left it at that, but he then followed with another ‘laces gag’, which was then followed with the now customary “one nil, one nil’. Unfortunately I couldn’t let his poor arithmetic pass, as at the very least it should have been two nil – he didn’t seem to get this…

Back to the game – following their consolation goal we managed to score a further three times thanks to Toni, Gerro and a sweet left foot drive from the bloated Hallo. Unfortunately, double figures were just out of our reach.

Up to third in the table…

Final Score: 9-1 (Mark, Bucky, Hallo (2), Gerro (2), Toni (3))

Hounds Reserves Man of the Match of the Week…

Toni (I would like to contest this as we both got 4 votes, but supposedly desk_JOB’s doesn’t count as he was ref – official complaint lodged.) [I have credited Jeeves gay_CLUB with a MOTM star, until the official complaint hearing is over.]

Jeeves’ gay_CLUB’s Quote of the Week…

“Gay club” Tyron (not Ray), 2010

Anfield Experience Factoid of the Week…

No other team will ever be able to keep an original European Cup as the old 3 in a row/5 times rule has now been changed.

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