Hounds stumble with a loss... | ...while the Reserves keep winning! | Hounds Night In by Dunc, 13th Nov 2010
Jeevers chips in with another weekly update – cheers!
Cotswool 2 – 0 Hounds
Hounds Reserves 6 – 2 Beachcroft LLP
I know it’s ‘early doors’ but 2nd vs 3rd is always a big game. Beachcroft have been more prolific than Hugh Hefner in his prime, but at the same time looser than Jodie Marsh; this match promised another hat-full of goals and the fans weren’t disappointed.
Now we all know the Reserves are notoriously slow starters, but this was taken to new extremes as we were 2-0 down within 15 minutes. Both goals were avoidable, the first goal was conceded due to indecision between keeper and defence. Beachcroft’s striker nipped in to head home, but to be fair I’ve not seen such speed on the Downs since McFahon was skinned at will by Sneyd Park’s electric winger in last year’s Cup Final. There is still a plaque next to the pitch donated by Buggy, the 85 year old Sneyd Park stalwart, to commemorate the occasion:
“Here lies the scalp of McMahon, he was skinned at will by the Rocket Man”.
Now I have checked this out and although Elton John does engage in some weird shit, this is not his doing.
Anyway, there was no one to blame for the second goal apart from our own bearded Webmaster. An aimless through ball landed at his feet and instead of using them he decided to use his shins. Needless to say the ball squirted free and the opposing striker buried the one-on-one opportunity.
The turning point came soon after when a bouncing ball in Beachcroft’s box was about to be taken on by Gerro when a blatant hand was stuck out and knocked the ball away. The resulting penalty was dispatched by desk_JOB, although it was lucky the midget keeper went the wrong way.
2-1 quickly became 2-2 with desk_JOB adding his second of the game with a smart turn and shot from the edge of the box -again it was lucky the keeper was a midget.
A third was added before half-time with Timedine picking the pocket of a defender and then beating the keeper with ease. Although the keeper was a midget this was not relevant as he found the corner.
Jeeves was keen to lose his new “gay_CLUB” moniker and therefore set about trying to neutralise Beachcroft’s man mountain on the wing. Fortunately, the Beachcroft giant didn’t get a kick or a head all game, although I’m not sure Jeeves can take all the credit. (I will though). [Too much changing from first person to third person – who’s talking about who here???]
Anyway gay_CLUB and man_MOUNTAIN left the pitch after 60 minutes (to opposite sides), The Dominator’s (attributed by Luke B in desk_JOB’s car after the match – I think you’ll agree a more accurate nom de plume [Hmmm… Sounds like some kind of giant sex toy to
me someone I know who read this report.]) final contribution was picking the ball up in midfield and playing in Timedine who beat his man on the outside and crossed for desk_JOB to complete his hat-trick from close range. Thankfully for desk_JOB the midget keeper couldn’t keep out the centrally struck shot.
A rare headed goal by Liam followed, with desk_JOB completing the rout by stumbling past a couple of players and then rifling a shot past the vertically challenged keeper.
All in all a good victory which could have been more convincing.
Hounds Night In
To the evening festivities and the Hounds Night In was a very enjoyable event – free food and lots of beer, the only thing that ruined the atmosphere was McFahon’s constant whinging/celebrating during the Liverpool v Stoke match. Fortunately he got his just desserts the following day.
The stand out moments were the mucky pints – when I say mucky I mean mucky – it was like some sort of chemical experiment with froth overflowing everywhere. Well done to all who managed to drink them and not regurgitate them.
Perhaps the funniest moment was when the Baron was contentedly watching the football one minute and on the floor the next. His immense weight had destroyed his chair although he claims it was wonky to start off with… The nickname fat_PAUL was coined although he wasn’t impressed with the lack of imagination – I have tried to come up with others – Rotund Ridlengaarden, Fattygaarden, Podgy Paul, Bloated Baron – however, I think you’ll agree the simple ones are the best.
Thanks to Russ for his hospitality and persistence (with the boxing) and let’s hope the Xmas party is as good.
Hounds Reserves Man of the Match of the Week…
Hounds Quote of the Week…
“fat_PAUL” Everyone, 2010
NB. I take no responsibility for factual inaccuracies as this report was written 6 days after the event.