Hounds lose by a single goal | Reserves labour to win over Garage men by Dunc, 5th Mar 2011
It’s Jeevo’s turn to “tell it like it is” this week, after borrowing j_DAN’s copy of How to Lose Friends and not Influence People.
Hounds 0 – 1 Sneyd Park
Not sure much happened here, but Cheqs did get MOTM. And therefore a free pint of premium lager.
Hounds Reserves 2 – 0 Luccombe Garage
Now, there are various ways to get lockjaw – this generally affects overworked ladies of the night, patrons of Vibes nightclub and perhaps more commonly those who have tetanus. Somehow I managed to obtain this affliction after less than 90 minutes on the Downs. [Dogging and piking??! Someone once told me that happens on the Downs…] The fateful moment happened when running backwards and then turning at full speed into the shoulder of the fattest player* on the Downs. Luckily no teeth were loosened nor concussion suffered, however for 2 seconds a gust of wind could have knocked me over – nothing unusual there I hear you say. Anyway I’m hoping this pain disappears before Tuesday as I don’t want my pancake eating inhibited.
Back to the game… The Baron had a tough week getting a team together due to the loss of Messrs Franklin, Gerring, Ford and Kanaris, however thanks to Tom, Luke B and Skucey filling in at the last minute, we had a strong starting 11. In fact we only had 11 as Ray was injured and in the end had to referee the match. Before the game he said he would let the game flow and he was definitely true to his word – I thought I had a laissez faire attitude to refereeing but Ray took it to a whole new level. Refereeing your own game is never fun but even less so when the team you are playing are only intent on complaining, whinging, swearing and when that doesn’t work, fighting.
The first 10 minutes were largely uneventful although we did have a few chances which were wasted. The first major talking point occurred when the Baron ‘handled’ the ball in the box – it was undoubtedly ball to hand from no more than a few yards but that didn’t stop the big bearded Pole from unleashing a 20 second expletive-filled tirade at Ray. This would normally have been a sending off offence but I imagine a full scale riot would have ensued.
Luccombe chose to react to this by putting in a few late tackles, especially on the Baron. Jimmy chose to exact some retribution by barging their No.6 over when going up for a header. Well when I say going up for a header, I mean completely ignoring the ball and running into his back as hard as possible. Ray chose to diffuse the situation by having a ‘fake word’ with Jimmy.
Anyway the breakthrough came midway through the first half with a cross from the left falling at Timedine’s feet 10 yards out which he placed across the keeper into the bottom hand corner. Following his last 2 outings I’m not sure if this was attempted control or a shot but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.
1-0 at half time.
Rocco was gaining in confidence and decided to have a word with their striker who was also their best player. “You’re going to get nothing out of me today” – these mindgames had the desired effect and he drew a blank for the rest of the game.
The Baron then added to the lead with a deflected shot from the edge of the box following some good work by Rocco – some claimed that it was an own goal due to the size of the deflection. However, the dubious goals panel decided to be sympathetic and give him the goal. They felt it would be harsh to extend his goalscoring drought on and off the pitch since his recent marriage.**
Luccombe then decided to call some of us paedophiles (could have been someone in particular but I can’t remember [I can – it was definitley Ridlengaarden – or paedo-Paul as he’s now known.]) despite there being no children/Prince Andrew in the vicinity and no hard evidence – luckily Dan was away along with his laptop.***
Finally, due to a controversial throw in decision an injured Meathead on the sidelines had a go at Ray. Ray (perhaps looking slightly remedial in his oversize cap) asked him if he wanted to ref the game. He replied, “I would if I didn’t have a broken leg you Spastic”. Fair comment…
Anyway the final whistle went and a 2-0 victory in a game we may well have lost a couple of seasons ago.
Back to the top of the table and a chance to extend our lead against Jersey next week.
Big up yourself to Raymondo for reffing duties.
Writing this report also gives me the chance to respond to Dunc and j_DAN’s jibes at my MOTM ‘pity votes’. This is obviously sour grapes as neither of these two get any MOTM votes whatsoever, let alone pity votes. I had one vote this week from Skucey – this proves objectivity as it was his first game of the season. As usual, nil returns for the veteran Hound and banter merchant. I expect this to conclude the matter. [No!! How rude! I did get a vote, but I can’t remember who from, but I deffo got a vote and Jim would’ve got a vote (admittedly from me), but it was rescinded due to Jimmy’s overly aggressive play… So there!]
* Not confirmed, however definitely top 5.
Hounds Reserves Man of the Match of the Week…
Dunc’s Quote of the Week…
“The dubious goals committee may credit that to Ridlengaarden” John Motson, Match of the Day, 2011.