NEWS  :  Season 2009/10

Hounds Social Diary ™

Hounds through to last 16 in GFA Cup | Reserves snatch a draw against those pesky Peedos by Dunc, 7th Nov 2009

An away game! Meanwhile, back on the Downs… Jimmy dons his reporter hat – resulting in the longest match report EVER on this website! Enjoy!

Cadbury Heath A 0 – 5 Hounds

Ah, a GFA Cup away day. A chance for a tour of Bristol and to play on a pitch that is flat, wide, beautifully mown and sheltered from the wind. More of that later – but first, an admission that this could end up not being the most accurate report in the world. Ever. My powers of, erm, remembering stuff are dodgy at the best of times, but I surpassed myself during the game. After we had scored in the first 2 minutes, a random fellow arrived at the side of the pitch and asked me what the score was. 0 – 0 was my confident reply. This must only have been 30 seconds after we’d scored…

The tour of Bristol… We all met at the Downs, ready to ride in convoy to Cadbury Heath. There was talk by some of driving along the A4 to the ring road – an idea that was rubbished by myself and our volunteer driver, Cheqs. So off we went, also taking Matt L and Ticko, winding our way through Redland, Henleaze, Horfield – passing Matt L’s house on the way (he and Ticko had walked from there to the Downs…) – carrying on up Gloucester Road, down Ashley Down Road, getting caught in traffic, dropping down to Muller Road to encounter the mother of all traffic jams, back up to Ashley Down Road, eventually crossing the M32, onto the A420, crawling up to St George, limping into Kingswood, finally hitting the ring road, doing a full lap of a roundabout before firing off into Cadbury Heath. Everyone else was already there, changed and ready to go… But at least the journey kept us entertained – Cheqs wasn’t indulging in a load of angry braking – he was just getting used to his new brakes. The trance tunes keeping him calm were by those well-known electronic knob twiddlers, the F*ck Buttons. Can’t imagine them appearing on Top of the Pops any time soon… As time dragged on, Cheqs kept his rising anger in cheq (arf!) by kindly letting people out at any opportunity – karma was the reason – the more people he let out, the better the game would be…

It was time to inspect the lovely expanse of grass we would be playing on. Straight out of the changing rooms, we caught sight of 2 immaculate looking pitches. One was empty, one had players warming up on it… but not Cadbury Heath players. Then we saw it. Squeezed in between the nice pitch and a row of trees – our pitch. A Downs League pitch that had managed to flee the Downs and was hiding away in deepest darkest Peru Cadbury Heath. It was narrower than our pitches – but it was longer. It had an impressive slope from end-to-end and a high hedge nestling right behind the ‘lower’ goal. The grass was long and wet and the ground was heavy and breaking up, even during the warm-up. Marvellous!

Bizarrely, this all worked to our advantage – the Hounds kept the ball on the ground, employing one-touch passes where possible. We also pressed the Heathens into mistakes and never gave them any time on the ball. As mentioned, this resulted in an early goal for Alvan – Si C flicked the ball off his head towards the Heathen goalie – the only person to react was Alvan, who simply guided the ball past the goalie and in! 0 – 1 after 2 minutes! That seemed to instantly break the resolve of the Heathens and from then on it was one way traffic. Si toyed with the defence before scuffing a left foot shot into the corner of the goal. Another chance saw Si attempting to chip the goalie, but instead playing the ball straight into his hands. Cheqs was unleashing howitzers from all angles, whilst Steve was able to charge into space at will. It was left to Alvan to net another with a great strike before half-time. At this point, the Heathens appeared to have given up – I swear that we were knocking the ball around to unmarked players before Alvan gratefully received the ball. 0 – 3, half-time.

We were now playing up the slope and into the wind, so we expected a bit more pressure. A strong talk at half-time seemed to have done the trick, the Heathens were beginning to look a bit more threatening. However, as the half started, a dirty great rain cloud appeared and pissed all over us. Cheqs was in his element – slipping and sliding all over the pitch – his shorts noticeably muddier than Steve P’s… Who looked noticeably more knackered than n_MAN, who was enjoying a lazy day in defence – he effectively employed Chris H as his slave for the day, letting him do all his dirty work for him.

After the rain stopped, the Hounds pretty much had the keys to the kingdom. Well, the pitch. On came subs Matt L and Matt B and I think literally everyone had a chance to score a goal. Fordy ran the length of the pitch, played a one-two with… someone… and shot straight at the keeper. Luke B kept allegedly straying offside, before finally timing one run right and calmly slotting the ball past the keeper. Matt L shot straight at the keeper, before receiving the ball on the edge of the box from a throw-in. With his back to goal, he executed a perfect turn and volley which saw the ball sail into the top right corner. There was a brief threat of a wild celebration before he simply adopted the ‘Statue of Liberty’ – one arm in the air, blankly staring at the non-existant crowd.

I came on for a cameo and immediately gave away a free kick – a slightly manic lunge/tackle that the referee didn’t appreciate, even though I won the ball… Nothing came of it and we saw out the game with ease.

Sea Mills Park are up next – another away game! – they beat Saints Old Boys to get into the last 16…

Dunc’s Quote of the Week

After I had won the ball with my slightly aggressive slide/lunge/tackle…

“No no no no no no no no. No. You’re never going to win the ball with a tackle like that.” The referee, 2009

Hounds Reserves 3 – 3 Torpedo A

So it was the re-match against our old foes Torpedo, and a chance for us to avenge our only league defeat of the season when they battered us 6-3, despite us playing quite well… but as West Ham have proved, playing pretty doesn’t guarantee results… well it guarantees a result, sure, but not necessarily a win…

Anyway, onto the footie and with the Hounds fielding a strong line-up, confidence was up and we went into the game with high hopes of gaining 3 more vital points to pull us out of the relegation battle Sturge still seems to think we are in…

Jimmy (me, I – I’m not going refer to myself as Jimmy over the course of this essay, it sounds pretentious) came in at right back and Craig Nedved slotted in at left back, filling in for Dunc who was relegated to the first team… And the opening ten minutes proved just how hard a battle it was going to be. Basically I encountered my worst nightmare, a left winger with pace. Pace to burn. Not unlike Dan Kanaris. Only faster… So with all the acceleration of a sloth, a really slow and lazy one at that, I was skinned no less than 3 times in the first 7 minutes. Sturge saw that I was the weakest link and switched me to left back, with Craig going to right back to deal with Mr Fast. Unfortunately, Mr Fast also saw that I was the weak link, so he switched to the opposite wing so he could continue to run rings around me… brilliant…

Anyway, enough about me. We were battered with attack after attack from Torpedo, with their centre midfielder (whose name none of Torpedo knew) instrumental, dictating the play and mainly giving it to Mr Fast, who was continually frustrated by some smart saves by Mike, the human brick wall… Good work Mike. Then, totally against the run of play we broke down the other end of the pitch, which is where I pass the commentary over to Mr John ‘Modest’ Hallo.

Great ball though by Sparky, straight into my “Owen-like” arced run. I dribbled to the left corner of the 18 yard box, saw the keeper take a few strides off his line and promptly opened my body out and executed a sublime curling lob over the keeper and into the top right corner of the goal. In a word… effortless!!

So there you go, Sid Owen eh? Quite some claim…

Despite taking the lead and giving ourselves a renewed confidence, we continued to get pummelled by the Bristol Torpedos, and to my personal delight Mr Fast was playing right wing, left wing and centre forward, and therefore causing everyone quite a bit of trouble… I was left in the meantime marking a 60 year old with a head-band who was still too fast for me… Anyway, enough about me already… (anyone would think I like talking about myself). Torps Equalised just before half-time, as Mr fast turned John ’10 point turn’ Sturge and slotted neatly past Mike… 1 – 1 at the break and much improvement required…

Half-time pointed out the areas in which to improve (everywhere mainly) and out we went with a belief that we could take the game and run away with it…

…2 – 1 Torps. Mr Fast playing a neat one-two with everyone’s friend, Sunday Pleasedtomeetyou. And slotting neatly past Mike again.

So it was going to be an uphill battle then… Now, I am not entirely sure if or how the substitutions co-incided with our resurgence in the second half, but Sturge has asked me to include, and I quote:

Mention subs coming on and the tactical decisions of our glorious leader!!!

I am not sure what substitutions our glorious leader Fordy made to be honest, or why Sturge wanted these included, but I will mention the fact that Dan B, Ridlengaarden and Mark A all came on at some point if it makes him feel better. And the fact that Sturge ended up playing up front. What I do know is that Hallo scored the equaliser, and again I pass the commentary on to him:

A lovely flowing hounds move, (I think these were the players involved) the ball was played into my feet, which was then neatly laid off to Chris H, he then spread the play to Luke R on the right hand side. Luke beat the full back as I made a darting run to the near post. A great curling cross into the box to find me as I glanced the ball across the keeper into the bottom left corner.

Now, we all know Chris H is a talented player, but to spread the play from Cadbury Heath to the downs is some achievement… As I remember it is was Steve H, who had recovered from a volleyed ball to the face at training on Tuesday, who spread the play.

Then came the glorious chance to put the game to bed. For the final time today I pass the commentary over to Hallo to give a strikers-eye view of the situation…

All I remember is the ball being played up field, a mistake by the defender meant Sturge broke the back line and with me in hot pursuit, he made a beeline for the goal. With the defenders left in our wake and just the goal keeper to beat, a simple square pass to myself once we were just outside the 6 yard box would have finished Torps off. It would have also given me my hat-trick, but I’m not bitter!!!! Instead Sturge took it upon himself to go for glory, unfortunately the glory was short lived as he rocketed the ball over the bar from precisely 7.2 yards… In a word, ridiculous.

Luckily we had the return of Peter Baron von Ridlengaarden III and his impact was immediate, with a whipped cross-come-shot from the left which outfoxed the keeper and was on its way to crossing the line, only for Sturge to steal The Ridlers glory and tap in from 1.4cm…

3 – 2 to the Hounds. Hooray.

Surely we had it in us to hold on to the lead didn’t we?

No.

3 – 3. A free kick wide left was whipped in, Craig and one of their players went for it, it came off the attackers head, onto Craig’s head and looped into the top corner. Gutted. Torps then had a penalty appeal turned down. Had the attacker not gone down like Drogba in a diving competition with a penguin, they probably would have got it. But luckily it wasn’t given and 3 – 3 was probably a fair result overall. Some lovely football was played in the second half to counter the first half which was arguably the worst half we have played all season… So the way we came back into the game was admirable. An excellent game for the neutral no doubt, had anyone bothered to turn up.

Finally, Jimmy’s Quote of the Week:

3 minutes prior to Sturge’s miss…

“Hallo, I’m coming up front… you play off me… you’ve definitely got a hat-trick in you today!” Sturge, 2009

And Fashion Crime of the Week:

Jeevo’s lovely red gloves… Bit nippy Jeeves?

Word count – 1223. Apologies… Editing was never my strong point. Neither is pace…



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