NEWS  :  Season 2009/10

Hounds Social Diary ™

Hounds narrowly beaten by Torpedo | Reserves enjoy Beach weather and fire in 7 goals by Dunc, 19th Sep 2009

A rather warm day on the Downs saw the Hounds unable to hold onto a first half lead against Torpedo, while the Reserves had to rely on own-goals and penalties before killing off Beachcroft in the second half.

Hounds 1 – 2 Torpedo

Matt L gave the Hounds the first half lead in a game that was always going to be tight – both of last season’s games finished with only one goal separating the sides. You will hopefully have guessed by now that Torps netted twice in the second half – one a 30-yard screamer – to give them victory. There were 5 changes to the team from last week and although we lost, this hopefully shows we are building a very strong squad that will keep us fighting right the way through the season. n_MAN scooped the MOTM award.

Hounds Reserves 7 – 3 Beachcroft LLP

No ref. For the second week in a row. So thanks must firstly go to Marek, Rocco and Dunc for volunteering to take abuse at various stages of the game. I think Statman Dan* did the honours last week, so thanks to him too. As I “volunteered” to ref the last 15 minutes, it took only 37 seconds to realise just how much footballers whinge and moan. Jesus. (Yes, I also play football. But I don’t whinge and moan. At referees. Just my fellow players.) The highlight was having Ridlengaarden and the Beachycroft right-back rolling around on the floor doing their best impression of a pair of 2 year old kids having a ‘fight’ – there was no point in asking me to sort it out – I was too busy watching Marek score a goal, err, I mean ‘refereeing’.

Anyway, there was a game of football to play. Surprisingly, Beachcroft were loitering at the bottom of the table – I say surprisingly, because they gave us two very tough games last season and we had no reason to expect an easy game here. As it turned out, the first half was just plain weird. A 5 goal, um, goal-fest with no ‘real’ goals being scored. I would define a ‘real’ goal as a moment of beauty, a piece of magic that would lift a heavy heart or brighten a dark day – maybe a sweeping passing move or an outrageous moment of individual skill… No. The 5 goal ‘fest’ consisted of 3 own-goals, a penalty and a wicked, looping deflection over a wrong-footed keeper. Poetic stuff.

Our first goal came from Ridlengaarden displaying the quick feet of a leprechaun dancing a jig in the penalty box, before attempting to pull the ball back to a Hound. Unfortunately, a retreating Beachcrofter expertly put the ball in his own net. But not as expertly as Sturge, placing the ball into his own net for Beachcroft’s first. With his left shoulder facing goal, he attempted to side-foot the ball away from an inswinging corner using his right foot – a move that would normally require him to first dislocate his right knee or hip. As Sturge decided against the dislocation, the ball was firmly placed into the back of the net. The now World famous SGI (Sturge Goal Index™) stands at 0 – scored:1 minus own-goals:1 minus penalties:0 (I have wiped off the penalty from the first game, mostly because it was Henry who gave it away…)

A while later, Sparky Mark stormed into the Beachcroft penalty area, only to be tripped! A little girly tap to his ankle, but it was contact in the area – the penalty was given. Statman Dan stepped up to convert – here’s one for all you stat-fans! – keeping his 10 year record of not missing a penalty intact. Sparky Marky was again given space a while later and unleashed a left foot screamer. Thankfully, a helpful Beacher prevented the ball from going out for a throw-in by directing it into his own net. We then conceded the loopy deflection, making it 3 – 2 at half-time.

Onto the second half and Beachcroft showed some good attacking intent, possibly with a slight breeze behind them that I hadn’t realised was there in the first half. However, the defence did a good job of keeping their main strike threat at bay. Jimmy was handling their monster left winger with aplomb whilst I was… trying to work out where Adam C had gone! He definitely started on the left wing, but kept popping up in midfield, up front or on the right. In fairness, he smashed in a great goal from an impossibly tight angle on the right, so it worked. However, I don’t know when he scored, because Jeeves also scored a goal – from the left. And he started on the right. But he definitely finished on the left. Hence the confusion. But then Adam was being lino! On the left. But mostly on halfway. I am easily confused these days… Marek picked up 2 goals at the end of the game, all 3 of our subs helping to finish the game strongly – Beachcroft possibly suffered by only having one sub on such a hot day. The Beachy striker finally latched onto a ball over the top and finished well to score their third. Luke E picked up the most MOTM votes, with Jimmy a very close second.

My little stint with the whistle coincided with Adam C running the line – whilst I was poor at reffing, he picks up the award for being the Worst Lino In The World. Ever. For this season at least. Pete Australia probably still holds the number one spot for the all time Worst Lino In The World. Ever. Ever.

* Little known fact: Statman Dan is the long-lost second cousin (once removed) of Scatman John. Ski-Ba-Bop-Ba-Dop-Bop!

Ticko’s Quote of the Day…

“We had Dunc and Jimmy playing. I have never seen a more aggressive set of fullbacks!” Baron von Ridlengaarden, 2009

Spackman Dan** Moment of the Day…

Dan receives a cross into the penalty area by using (and I quote) “the best bit of chest control I’ve ever done”, before attempting to dribble the ball past a defender, missing the ball completely and falling flat on his face.

** Spackman Dan is the long-lost alter ego of Statman Dan. Spack-a-bop-oop-aargh-durr!



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